“I am seen. I am okay being seen.”
This was not how I felt. My calling was to stand up in front of hundreds of people every week and lead everyone in singing the hymns. Not a big deal, unless you have this belief that you need to completely hide from the world. I hated the calling. If there was ever a time an affirmation felt like a lie, this would be it. But I knew I had to overcome this barrier for reasons even I didn’t understand. I needed to say it to create it.
So there I stood, week after week, feeling nervous embarrassment while pasting a smile on my face and reciting to myself
“I am seen. I am okay being seen.”
In time, things began to change. I wasn’t as nervous. I relaxed. I experimented upon the word. I nourished the seed with great diligence and patience. And then I noticed it became less about me, and more about the people.
One day I realized the most important part of my calling wasn’t to stand there and wave my arm around. The Lord told me the true purpose of my calling was to hold the space for everyone in the chapel. Can I stand there and be a beacon of light and love? There will be people who walk through those doors who aren’t feeling loved. There will be someone who just had an argument at home moments before. There will be someone who hates church but comes anyway and doubts his or her testimony and thinks people are judging them. Is it possible they could look up and see me and feel something? Could I literally help change the energy of the entire room by standing there, one thousand perfect confident in being seen, not because I wanted them to see Brooke, but because I wanted them to see LOVE. I wanted them to see LIGHT. I wanted them to feel WELCOME and at HOME being there.
Could they see that when they saw me?
The Lord teaches us line upon line. I incrementally grew from being humiliated and insecure with shaky legs and a racing heart to being grounded, calm, and holding the intention of being a conduit of love for everyone in the congregation.
Say it to create it.
I had that calling for five years. It was my favorite calling I have ever had, likely because of the transformation I went through by being placed in something so deeply uncomfortable and seeing what the power of affirmations could do in changing the experience into something deeply meaningful. It was not uncommon for people to approach me after the meeting and tell me how much they loved watching me lead the music.
