In so many ways I feel like I have hidden behind the safety of writing. I can type up a blog post or newsletter and edit it until the cows come home. The perfectionist in me reads everything I publish at least 20 million times before it is published and I’m even more weird because I read it another 20 million after it’s published.
That’s huge amounts of time spent in worrying what people think of me.
Writing is funny. I mentioned to my friend Davina this week that I feel like crafting a blog post is like standing on stage and talking to thousands of people in an audience. I know what I say is going to so many people and how can you possibly be personal? I’m not going to stand up there and bare my soul when I don’t personally know most of the people there. (What if they judge me?! What if they don’t like me?!)
In our Every Branch Podcast, that paradigm has completely shifted for me. It’s just me and Sarah having a conversation. In real life, I do so much better in social situations when it’s one on one! In podcasting, I feel safe with Sarah and I’ve surprised myself with how many personal things I’ve shared. I talk about my family. My struggles. My spirituality. My business. What I’ve learned that week and what I hope to be able to improve upon. It feels natural and easy to be my whole self in that setting. I’m not standing on stage speaking to a large audience. I’m in the cozy comfort of a friends company. What an amazing difference.
Maybe you too have felt that difference before. Being able to be your whole self with those you trust, and showing the edited version to the rest of the public?
I don’t expect to completely change my writing overnight. And I’m still private and protective of my heart. But as I’m learning, the more you give of yourself, the more you receive in return.
I just finished reading Donald Millers new book, Scary Close: Dropping the Act and Acquiring a Taste for True Intimacy.
I avoided buying it for a long while, thinking it was focused on marital intimacy. I couldn’t have been more wrong. It’s about Don’s experience of learning how to stop acting and be his true self among everyone, in order to cultivate authentic intimate relationships. I suddenly became aware of the same tendencies in my own life experience and I’m nervously excited to do as Don suggests and believe that “I am good for people”. To take a risk and be me. Because being me is a gift to others. Just like you being you is a gift to me.
“Sometimes the story we’re telling the world isn’t half as endearing as the one that lives inside us…how can we be loved if we are always in hiding?…If we live behind a mask we can impress but we can’t connect.”
Brooke Snow delights in the pursuit of a meaningful life. Sign up for her FREE e course “Living A Thriving Life” to learn more about how to find true balance in your life. Brooke lives in Northern Utah with her calm husband, adventurous 5 year old son and bouncy baby girl.