I’m fresh off an extended family gathering where I encountered—gasp!—a difference of opinion.
And with the holidays fast approaching, I wanted to share what I’m learning about how to navigate these moments in a way that doesn’t send you spiraling into old, toxic dynamics… and instead helps you stay rooted in your truth while still holding loving space for others.
True confession…
That “difference of opinion” I mentioned? It’s part of a lifelong relationship that has always been challenging.
My wounded self would tell you that this person doesn’t like me, judges me, and believes everything I do is wrong.
I’ve noticed that even when everything seems fine on the surface during our interactions, I often need a full 24-hour recovery window afterward…
Because these exchanges stir up my inner child every single time.
The imaginary argument that never happened
This afternoon, during a recovery walk 😉, I found myself in a full-on imaginary dialogue with this person—defending myself.
Mind you… none of what I was defending had actually been said in real life.
But there I was, explaining myself, justifying my actions, rehearsing the perfect response to all the things I imagined she thought about me.
How’s that for an overactive imagination?
Then it hit me…
Mid-spiral, a question stopped me in my tracks:
What if she’s not the one who needs to hear your defense?
And instantly, I knew:
The person who needed to hear of my innocence… was me.
That entire imaginary defense wasn’t meant for my family member at all.
It was meant for the part of me that was judging me.
Oh friend.
The number of times I’ve projected judgment onto other people—when really, it was coming from inside.
It’s often my own inner judge I’m reacting to.
I spin a story, rehearse a defense, and get emotionally tangled in something that never even happened…
All because a wounded part of me is trying to get my attention.
How I responded instead
I stopped walking, placed my hand on my heart, and imagined that inner judge.
And the defense I’d been rehearsing softened into something entirely different:
A dialogue of loving acceptance.
“It’s okay that you believe my life should be different.
You were conditioned to believe that, so it makes sense you wouldn’t approve.
It’s okay that you’re judging.
And it’s also okay that I now make choices that honor my own needs and will help me thrive.
You don’t have to be afraid.
You don’t have to fix anything about who you are.
You have nothing to prove to earn my love.
I accept you just as you are.
I will always be here for you.”
This changed everything
I’ve rehearsed imaginary defense monologues so many times—against dozens, maybe hundreds of people in my lifetime.
And this was the first time I realized:
They never worked because they were never meant for them.
The moment I turned inward and gave myself the love, compassion, and innocence I was craving… everything shifted.
The charge disappeared.
The rumination stopped.
And I found the peace I’d been chasing.
Are there times we really do need to speak up in real life?
Yes. Absolutely.
And… The most important person who needs to hear of your innocence… is you.
So next time this happens— when you find yourself needing to defend yourself to someone in your mind—
start with yourself.
You might be amazed to find that the urge to defend yourself to the other person either disappears… or you’re able to approach that conversation from a more grounded, peaceful place.
This is what it means to practice wholeness.
You are loved.
Delightfully,
brooke
PS — If this conversation around inner healing and self-acceptance speaks to something inside you…
Tonight’s breathwork session is a space to gently meet those parts of yourself. No fixing. No proving. Just love and acceptance offered to yourself. I’d love to see you there! If you’re not able to make it live I do send out a replay available for 21 days. JOIN HERE.
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