Last night something unexpected happened to me.
I was reading through the negative reviews of a very popular podcaster. (Sometimes I get curious to see what polarized opinions can reveal.)
And to my utter astonishment, the negative review I started to read was ALL ABOUT ME!
Talk about twilight zone!
My heart rate suddenly skyrocketed when I saw my name mentioned, not once, not twice, but five times in this negative rant directed at a completely different podcaster—who, for the record, I have never met or collaborated with. It just so happened that the writer had the same flavor of judgment against this podcaster as her judgment of me and took the opportunity to vent it all out in detail for permanent record on iTunes.
Have you ever felt hijacked by a comment or judgment like that? Like someone’s words caught you off guard and suddenly your whole body was reacting before your mind had a chance to catch up?
After the initial shock wore off, I started to laugh. “That was wild! What are the chances that I would have stumbled upon this all on my own?”
I then sent a voice message to my BFF complete with screenshots.
Here’s my favorite part of the story:
After the initial heart rate elevation—that very normal response to the unexpected—my body quickly returned to baseline. I felt safe and unthreatened and could easily enjoy the rest of my evening thinking of other things.
This would NOT have been my body’s response two years ago.
Back then, I would have immediately gone into fight or flight. I would have felt attacked. I would have taken her words personally. I would have experienced contraction and fear at high levels in my body that would spiral me for days with my minds rumination.
Then, I would analyze how I could change (contort) myself to be more likable to this person. I’d go into people-pleasing mode, trying to earn back the love and acceptance I had clearly lost.
Then to attempt to pull out I’d use mindset tools—affirmations, meditation, or trying to think a better thought. But it would all fall flat. Because my body wouldn’t believe any of it. The body is NOT FOOLED by any of this when it’s still in a dysregulated state.
Have you ever tried all the mindset tricks—only to feel like your body wasn’t on board? Like you knew better, but still felt stuck?
If you’re in the messy middle of learning how to respond differently—you’re not alone. I’ve lived that pattern too. I know how exhausting it can be.
What changed for me?
For years, I tried to solve life’s problems with my mind. I just needed a better strategy or perspective…
And yes, that sometimes works.
But here’s what I’ve learned: The conscious mind only represents about 5% of the equation. FIVE PERCENT. It’s the tip of the iceberg.
The other 95%? Your nervous system’s unconscious programming—i.e., your body.
If mindset hasn’t been enough, you’re not broken. You’re just working with 5%.
If you still face the same patterns no matter how much you “know better,” there’s a better way. And yes—you can work with that 95%… if you know how.
Enter: nervous system healing.
One of my favorite tools? Breathwork.
It’s a bottom-up approach to healing. What does that mean?
Bottom-up = work with the body first to influence the mind. Top-down = work with the mind to influence the body.
Both have value. I still use top-down strategies. BUT—getting my body on board first has made all the difference.
ALL. THE. DIFFERENCE.
Maybe it’s time for a bottom-up approach.
Breathwork has helped me re-parent myself. To stop judging my emotions. To stop outsourcing love to others’ opinions. To learn how to feel safe in my own body.
That’s why this story didn’t end in a spiral—it ended in laughter and the ability to see the absurdity of it all.
Nervous system tools have helped me immensely.
But what has also changed is how I relate to myself. I no longer need to be everyone’s favorite. I just need to be mine.
If you’re in the messy middle of learning how to relate to yourself with more love and less fear—you’re not alone. This path takes time. And it’s worth it.
Try this today:
The next time your nervous system feels stirred up…
Pause. Breathe. Place your hand on your heart and ask: “What do you need right now?”
No pressure to fix. Just listen.
That moment of self-attunement is how healing begins.
You are whole. And you are loved.
Delightfully,
brooke
P.S. If you’d like a little extra support connecting with your body and building that felt sense of safety from the inside out, you’re warmly invited to my next breathwork session. It’s a gentle space to exhale, regulate, and return to yourself—especially if you’ve been stuck in your head or spinning in people-pleasing patterns.
No pressure—just breath. I’d love to have you if it feels right.