Do you scan your life for proof before you let yourself feel okay?
I didn’t realize I was doing this — until something unexpected happened that showed me how automatic the habit had become.
It began with my usual morning ritual: a walk in the woods.
The sun was shining. Birds were singing. The tall Cottonwood trees offered their quiet sense of grounding.
I felt good. Safe. Present.
Mother Nature is always regulating for my nervous system.
Later that morning, I rolled out my yoga mat next to a friend I hadn’t seen in a while at the studio. She smiled and asked the question we’ve all been asked a million times:
“How are you?”
Still riding the high from my walk in nature, I answered easily:
“I’m sooooooo good! How are you?”
And then…
My brain panicked.
It was like I had skipped a step in some unspoken protocol.
A voice in my head said:
“You forgot to look outside yourself first!”
That sentence shocked me.
It revealed a pattern I’d unknowingly lived in for years.
Somewhere deep inside, my nervous system had decided:
“It’s not safe to feel good unless you have evidence.”
Since then, I’ve been reflecting on how often I’ve said “I’m good” — by first scanning my life for proof:
- Are my relationships okay?
- Are my kids doing well?
- Am I meeting society’s metrics for success?
- Have I earned peace today?
I was outsourcing the truth of my inner world to the conditions of my outer one.
This pattern isn’t shameful.
It’s protective.
👉 It’s a safety response — the brilliant way a dysregulated nervous system will naturally look for external signals before allowing emotional ease.
So often I have looked outside myself to know how I felt internally and gotten confused!
Perhaps:
My life on the outside looks good but I don’t feel good on the inside. The “evidence” says I should be totally happy, so why am I feeling discontent or sadness?
Or maybe my life looks chaotic or troubled, and yet I really do feel grounded and grateful. Is it inauthentic to really feel okay when my outer world isn’t?
Or maybe the outer and the inner are perfect reflections of one another…
Each experience is possible, and in each scenario, it’s important to learn to turn inward first and learn from your inner world.
This is why practicing wholeness matters so deeply.
Wholeness doesn’t mean you always feel good.
It means you know how to trust and honor your own experience.
The more we practice building internal safety —
The more we build trust within ourselves —
The more our nervous system learns:
It’s safe to feel okay, even before the evidence shows up.
The question “How are you?” is not meant to be a performance review.
It’s not a test. It’s an invitation.
And the only person who can answer honestly… is you.
Since that moment at the studio, I try to pause.
I check in with my body before I scan my life outside.
Sometimes I feel grounded. Sometimes I don’t.
But I’d rather receive the truth from within than outsource it to the world outside me.
That, to me, is practicing wholeness.
So, dear one…
How are you?
Can you answer from inside first — and hold off on scanning for evidence? What does your body tell you right now, in this moment?
The answer itself isn’t nearly as important as where you go to find it. Come back home to yourself first.
Remember:
You are loved.
All parts of you.
Especially the ones still learning to feel safe.
Delightfully,
brooke